The True Störy of Jesus pt. V
Because Jesus was a nagging little shit, that’s what he was. Dick.
Maulpferd
Quadruped. Graminivorous. Forty teeth, namely twenty-four grinders, four eye-teeth, and twelve incisive. Sheds coat in the spring; in marshy countries, sheds hoofs, too. Hoofs hard, but requiring to be shod with iron. Age known by marks in the mouth.
We just love them
An owl is essentially a one piece unit, its just a head and a body.
Never put a blanket over an owl. Unless of course you’re babysitting an owl and it wants tucking in. In which case, its fine.
“Can you tuck me in please?”
“But I’m never supposed to put a blanket over an owl.”
“I’m ever so chilly. Can you tuck me in please, I’m ver-ver chilly”
“Alright just this once but its breaking all the rules.
Public Education pt. II
you say: puberty. i answer: forgiveness.
you say: perversion. i answer: love.
The Milk Man Is Fucking Pissed
The milk man is your friend. He has been neglected for all too long. He served you well for so many years and was replaced by butter lindner and freelance milk pigeons. He can only sit at home and hasn’t delivered milk for oh so long. He will become very angry one day and you will all be sorry for putting him into this misery.
Brand New! Owl Image Stabilisation
Finally! A way to get those lazy all-day-shleepyheads out of unemployment.
No more foodstamps for you Owl Gore
Ferrets
As we all know, ferrets are currently the greatest threat to humanity. They control 52.3% of the worlds’ oil supply and 73.6% of all known plutonium sources. While ferrets appear kind and cute, and wear gayly coloured turtlenecks to create some sort of son-in-law-aura, they are actually plotting vengeance for all the inhumanities (inferretities) they had to live through over the past millenia.
It is a little known fact that ferrets were the first troops drafted during the Vietnam conflict and were also forced to use segregated areas during the 1920s. The majority of ferrets are not violent, and would rather forget the past atrocities, but there are a few powerful radical sects that are believed to have been behind attacks on Madrid, London, New York and Mexico City.
They have a vast information network, and experts at the CIA, KGB and MI6 have yet to crack the twisted and ingenial system of codes that they use.
Hydranten
a discourse constitutes sequences of such relations to objects, subjects and other enouncements
